autopilot.

but it's so hard when u keep acting like that. just stop it. arent we done with revenge? i thought we're even. i broke u and u break me. what do we do now? keep leading me on. but u're going on and off with her. i'm getting bored. maybe you're not who i should be waiting for. maybe you're just another one. another one of them. i'm bored. i dont wana care anymore. i dont care. let's just get back to life now. i left mine on autopilot. i wana start running it on my own.

high and hopeful (note: this was old)

i'm high and hopeful, knocking on your door, standing on my toes, hands in my pocket
when anxiety attacks.
i'm high and hopeful, wishing u would let me in. is she out of the picture? please tell me she is and end this crazy torture.
i'm high and hopeful. you're still playing it cool. it's funny i'm doing the same. would u be the first to give in?
i'm high and hopeful. this is driving me crazy. my head is spinning. round and round it went like a lollipop. i want one. would u get me one?

in the science lab..

Teacher: Class, the experiment we're gona do today would give out some poisonous gas.
Phoebe: Yes!
Rachel: Ouch.
Michelle: Die!

evil little thing

You Are 22% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

How Evil Are You?

squash crazed

eeee!! i need some squash, badly. crazy coach, endless killer practices, i miss it!!! haven't been playing since i moved here. that's like, 1, 2, no, 4 months! are u kidding me?? listening to friends who eat, drink and sleep squash makes me really wana get back. it was all planned, until dad said we're moving. now they couldn't find me a coach. heard my school has a team, hopefully they'd still accept new members. all i have to do is find the person in charge and pull a friend to make sure i'm not distracted. cos the court is in the all boys school across the street. not that i'm interested in any, but uh, who knows right?

sensitivity on high

i just realized how much sensitive i am. explanation? ok, last week, when Mrs. Junita was talking about how teens get pregnant and kill their babies, and abortions and stuff. i just got real mad. seriously, i sat there, hands crossed, stayed quiet and pissed off. i just had too much hate and rage towards those ppl. why the hell did they do it if they didnt want a baby? and havent they heard of protection? or menstruation cycle?? geez people. and um, other explanation, whenever my mom gets mad at my bro, i'd feel bad too. its like i feel wad ppl feel. this situation tho, i felt my mom's anger. then when ppl tell me abt their story, i get goosebumps and yeah, again, felt wad they felt. deep. i didnt know i was that deep. and dont get me started when i saw ppl torture the elephants on tv. it was my uncle's 18th birthday, so i tried to control myself. lol.

her little question

when she said it
you've been seeing somebody
i almost said cool
but it wasn't
so i didn't
cant lie and say it didn't hurt
it did
but i broke you before
now it's just your turn
i deserve this
i'm not mad
at least she got a taste
wonder if this second chance will bring anything
will you choose her over me?
don't tell me if it'll scratch
i'll make sure my curiosity don't overload
all you have to do is
i don't know..

worst day ever

teachers day. here? 1 word; BLOWS! if you want the exact 3 words i used this morning? contact me in the dark. lol. i could get cursed for writing it here. people are looking. *pause* yeah, pretty sure they are. i kept wishing somebody would've shot me just now. just shoot me and don't stop, even after i drop dead. wow. intense. 8[
next time remind me not to go whenever these things come up in the future. the place is a torture chamber. but i cant switch schools now can i? i wanna go back Miri and see everyone!!! watch out you guys, i think i'd ask my dad to bring us there during the hols :D :D :D

white houses

cluelessly abnormal

this is not normal. i got extremely hyper today. and i mean extremely. like i never was. is that supposed to happen after somebody breaks your heart? i am so weird. i talked endlessly, losing my breath. when Michelle asked me to name 3 of my favorite animals, i was like "i like pandas and i like polar bears and i like dolphins and and i like..." now imagine that going real fast and some short breaths added in. totally enthusiastic. if you cant imagine that, i can tape it for you. i still have that same energy right now. lol. if you were some energy-hate freak, you'd totally bash me with a table or something. but i'd still be hoping up and down like a silly rabbit tho. i even asked the girls if it was normal. here's what they said.
Michelle: we all have different ways of handling things (her crazy smile carving)
Rachel: shut up. get hyped! (squeezing her bottle)

you are one

you act like a saint in front of everybody
in their eyes you're the gorgeous thing
they don't know what you told me
they don't know what's inside of you
well, whats in there is ugly
yeah, get it right. ugly.
ridiculous.
in your head i'm in love with you.
in your head i want you.
bullshit.
just using it against you.
how does it feel?
in your heart you want me.
in your heart you tell yourself you could.
you're right, you could.
and now you cant.
it's so easy to pretend i wasn't the one who said it.
just like how easy it was for you.
say you don't know who you are.
say you're confused.
i'll show you. i'll lead the way.
you're fake.
you're not a saint.
not even close.
do you know what i hate?
two-faced dicks.
you are one.

your secret's out

don't put on that pathetic face
don't act like you're the victim
maybe to her you are
but to be honest, i think differently
you wanted her to break you
you wanted her to cheat
you wanted her to do wrong
but you still stand there
all of it only to paint one picture
just perfect to cover yourself
make everyone say you're virtuous
make everyone think you're vindicated
but can you vaunt without guilt?
remember the piece you made
with it you think you're adroid
as no one knew your secret
but i do
and i will show it to the world on a sixpence
watch me