so long, little one

Kiki passed away yesterday morning. We came home on Wednesday afternoon and Kavan found her laying in the basket of clothes, looking very ill, with saliva flowing out of her mouth. She was shivering. Mummy brought her to the vet right away. It was a viral infection and the vet was afraid it might have spread to her brain already. She was admitted for a night, and the next morning, she was gone.

Fifa searches for her every now and then. He would go to the bathroom, (Kiki used to love going to the bathroom), meow and leave. I guess it was best that mummy payed the SPCA to bury Kiki. We didnt bring her home and let Fifa see her like that. I mean, after what happened to the dogs, (Lemon was depressed when Dottie died, Vodka was depressed when Sammy died) and our last two cats, (Leo was depressed when Milk went missing) who knew what Fifa would be like.

They were pretty close. They'd go everywhere around the house together. Never thought I'd say that since Fifa was so cold towards her in the beginning. But I think Fifa is happy, still. I always make sure he gets all the attention he needs, to keep his mind off his missing friend. I know it may be weird to some, the fact that I treat my pets like humans, but hey they mean a lot to me.

Anyway, as I was cleaning the litter-box, I saw worms in the stool. I quickly told mummy to make sure she gets Fifa checked. I'm worried he might be infected, though he seemed perfectly healthy. Clean and hyper. No weight loss. If anything, he gained weight. It may not affect him in any way but it could be one of those animal diseases that would infect humans, like campylobacter or cryptosporidium or something. And I dont think I need to remind you that I just cleaned the litter-box. I must have come in contact with the stool without noticing it.

Mummy said okay and then started talking about the neighbour's cats that would always come and visit our house (to steal Fifa's food and most probably relieving themselves at his litter-box).

I wonder when shall Fifa see the vet. Let's have a countdown.

the irony

so, appreciate.

so sweet I can hardly speak due to such trauma in my teeth

The first week of mock exam is over. That felt great.

The papers we had this week were good. I have to admit, St. Teresa really knows how to train their students. They give us really hard papers during school exams, and when we face the real thing, it doesnt seem so hard anymore.

I guess there's only one subject I'm not so confident about so far. Wont mention which, but if you know me well enough, you'd know. It's quite funny though!

My back has been killing me. The one thing about exams, is that it gives me really bad back ache. It's nothing like the normal back ache I get everyday, (it does hurt everyday, I just get tired of mentioning it). But this is much worse, affecting both my upper back where the curve is and my lower back where the titanium is. It distracted me during Chemistry tuition yesterday. My surgery side hurt whenever I inhale deeply. Not good when you really need oxygen! Haha.

Well, there's only another week to go. And my spine can give me a rest from all the pain.

But in 59 days, this cycle will start all over again, only this time, in a longer time span. SPM :D
The reason for the smiley isnt because I'm crazy for actually loving the exam, but for feeling extremely excited about what comes after. Freedom!

I'll be leaving school and there is nothing I will miss about it, except my friends. But I can see them anytime I want, so, nope, wont miss a thing!

"It's so close, I can taste it in my tongue"

New Discoveries

Hello :) It's past my bed time. Well, when it's the holiday, do I need bed time? Okay, dont answer that question. I do. My eyes were heavy earlier but my brain is too active to fall asleep now. No, wait, the brain never sleeps. Ah, too much information. Anyway, here are things I've discovered along the way.

>> My entire life I believed my childhood friend was the same age as I was. Turns out, she's a year younger. I thought everyone thought the same way and this was an interesting discovery, but when I told my mum, guess what. "Yeah, she's the same age as Kavan." I cant believe mummy! But anyway, this discovery doesnt change a single way I feel about her. She's really cool :)

>> Melinda Fiona loves to distract herself during Addmath and blames me for it. But the night always ends up with me being the last to finish. Mel, this is how much I love you; I let you bug me for two hours and let you leave me with a calculator down my throat all alone. Heehee, I love addmath! :D

>> My driving instructor is pretty racist. He's very funny, though! You know some say, "when an Iban curses, there's nothing like it." Well, I've discovered the truth in that phrase.

>> I've lost a disgusting amount of weight. No, I'm not the kind of girl who checks her weight all the time and no, I dont like losing weight. It's hard to gain it back. I want it back. I miss having trouble putting on my favorite pair of jeans. Plus, it's no fun having to pull up your pants every 5 minutes (and I dont want new pants).

There are tons more stuff I'd like to post about, but I refuse to remember them right now. So, yes, I'm going to leave you there. Smell you later, stalker.

September Air

When I came to you

You breathed into me

covered me and made me real

So you're the one they call Forever

I could stray and you would find me

I could be lost in long, winding roads

Still you'd find me

The wounds on your hands

made me shiver

yet you still flash a smile

took me in and held me closer

The smallest things you say and do

I'd watch, listen

and I'd tremble

a dozen times a day

But I never get tired of knowing

Some say I'm a fool

But my pride is sheltered

And I am not ashamed

Some say you're not real

And this is all just wishful thinking

But you're so vivid to me

as this reality steals me from my own

I dont ever want to go back

I couldnt leave knowing no greater love

And nothing is greater than this

"no wonder you never finish your work!"

distractions

How do you suppose I study like this?

And now there're two of them.

This is just great...

so what do you say, if the sky turned grey?

I say, bring the rain! It's way too hot here.

Oh hello!

So, holiday. Two weeks. Hmm... I dont like this so far. I cant seem to wake up early. By early, I mean before 7am. And no, I have not touched a book. Well, I have. But I abandon them after ten not-so-productive minutes. This is not good. At all.

I think I should live in the in the stone age, well, a stone age with calculators. But goodbye tv, computers, handphones and everything that separates us from the animals...except our thumbs. I love my thumbs. They're hitchhiker's thumbs :)

So don't feed me to the fire,

and I won't let you down.

narrow gate of mine

The day I stumbled and fell
I hated you.
I let them take over
The anger, the sadness
The doors to these dark feelings,
unlocked.

Hurtful words
left my lips endlessly,
And I threw them at you.
Inside I screamed,
Alone I cried.
Where were you in all this?

I blamed you for this pain
this abnormality, this difference.
But what good could it do?
I didnt feel any less hurt.

Only when you truly let me endure
The pain of losing my own life
did I realise how bad I wanted it
How much I needed you,
And I need you still.

You gave me strength
I had always begged for
and thought was never granted.
My feet wouldnt be on this ground
If you werent the one
I believe in.

One year, eight months and twenty one days ago
I could've faded away.

You gave me courage to fight the hardest battle.
Though my lungs were almost done,
I wasnt.

This one-man army is yours
For I was a soldier, armed with your love.
And I am thankful now
for every bit of painful blessing
you decide to put me through.

Dear God, I love you.

A surrender

So you've come for me,
after devouring another.
knowing my sense of resistance is just as weak
Perhaps, I am weaker.

I let you have the best of me,
Maybe it was not the best decision made
Or was I just another slave to your words?

Temptations you present me.
and I spin dizzily in your arms,
as the castles I built in skies
were made visible.

But this has to end, I know
You're only temporary
And you'll disappear in a second.

Your hands I must let go
But saying no leaves me troubled.
So let go of mine,
and let me be
Free of your selfish grasp.

the shackles on my wrists

ambivalent to the core

a girl, you made me.
i run closer with alacrity
only to find hindrance and,
left i lay beleaguered.

all this does,
it begets misery.
but never are you
to this besotted soul,
a bete noire.

for no airy promises made.
to stop you,
this slips from my grasp.
i can only ponder
with not a right to question
the lilt in your voice that lingers.

but i will not drown in avarice
for thankfully still,
these altruistic prayers stand perpetual
like the shackles on my wrists
and the shadow that follows.

i then begin to grow fond of
an austerity
in which i willingly place my heart.

just a dream this will be

facing ignorance
i seem to always
stumble upon a problem

it's a fear maybe
i have not learn to know

subconsciously, i see
in great ignorance
they dwell around me

when the loneliness ceases to subside
it pains deeply then

and so decides the heart
alone i stand
in a world of false pretense

Today...

We have a cat.

Or, a kitten. You may call it that.

We named him Fifa.

Daddy calls him Ganja.

Mummy strangled daddy for calling him Ganja.

We have to put Fifa/Ganja in a cage outside.

Now I'm scared he would get phobia.

National Service = very funny

and I'm not being sarcastic at all! It really is funny. I cant stop laughing after seeing this.

My closest friends would know why I am very happy about getting chosen xD

An epic final

And the 2010 FIFA World Cup goes to...

SPAIN !

I woke up at 2.45a.m. and ran downstairs. Daddy was already seated in front of the tv, giving me one of his goofy smiles. He beat me to the tv, it seems. Haha! We did this twice. See who wakes up first. I beat him during the Germany-Spain match. 20 minutes passed and daddy ran downstairs and looked at me, "Why didnt you wake daddy up?" Hahahaha!

Well, the final match was a crazy one! No one should have missed it. Even if you hate Netherlands, for whatever reason I still cant come up with. Even if you hate Spain for beating Germany, or for beating Portugal (haha, Kavan!). Even if you hate Paul, the 'psychic' octopus for all his right predictions. I still dont know how the creature does it but I have a bad feeling about him. My theory? Paul has mastered the logic of probability, which many of us took for granted. It makes perfect sense. And I refuse to believe he has any sort of psychic ability. Now, Ray, quit telling me it's the tentacles...

I never thought Spain would come this far. Yes, I'm a very loyal fan but really, who would've thought? I was scared when they were going against Portugal. I didnt watch that match. Haha! Nights before that, Ashley told me, "We're going to make Cristiano Ronaldo cry. Cry, baby. Cry!" And she was right! Oh, Ashley, you made my day. I love those red and yellow nails of yours, by the way.

So here Spain was, in the final. Oh, the suspense. First half, no goal. Second half, no goal. 90 minutes passed and still no goal. I went around my head trying to think of what should happen next. Extra time! Or... If I had let my imagination come true... Rematch! And the world cup shall not end today. I wish that were the case. But extra time, it is. First half of extra time, still. no. goal. What is this?

Me: Dude, this is a freakin crazy final!
Gurjit: I know! And I'm loving it!

But after Netherlands was short of a player, since Stekelenburg got a red card, haha, Spain finally scored! Go, Iniesta. And to think he was crazy from the beginning. Poor guy kept falling. Not a minute after he got up, a Dutch trips him back down. I feel for you, Andres. But you didnt have to push him.

I gotta admit though, the match was hilarious. Commentator has got a way with words. The bald referee (so everyone calls him) must be tired of pulling the yellow card too many times. Those Dutch players tipped me off. Rough play. And Sneijder! He should have gotten a red card for kicking Alonso in the chest with his boot. Why would you have your foot up that high anyway? I've got my eyes on you, Sneijder. I'm not over this.

If I had to pick a favorite, (off the Spanish squad) in this match, it would be Iker Casillas. I love you so much today, Casillas. Amazing goalie. Nice save. I mean, saves. Fernando Torres, on the other hand, was a disappointment. David Villa made way for him to get in to the pitch only to have Torres enlighten the Netherlands' fans with his hamstring -_-"
I need not to say more.

But I am very very very happy for the win! Teehee! Went to school with a huge smile on my face. I sure did annoy my anti-Spain classmates. They were so depressed. I went to Science 3 to watch Christina and her gang celebrate. Haha! More Spain supporters in that class. Loud supporters, I must say. Very loud. I was so hyper in the morning. But once the break ended, I went back to class and crashed on the table. Mel kept molesting my underarm to wake me up. I became immune to it. Hehe!

I cant wait for the next FIFA! That is if the world doesnt end in 2012...

"In 2013, I'm going to watch the movie 2012 and laugh..."

"I wanna put your smile on paper"


=)

Rivera

It was a beautiful morning. Rivera couldn't help but be amazed by the beauty that surrounded her. She had followed where her feet took her and here she was, alone in a garden she had never been to. She didn't know where she was but she couldn't care less. This place was nice. Very serene and peaceful. The weather wasn't as cruel as she thought it would be. The sun didn't shine too brightly and the wind blew so softly.

Rivera had her head tilted up to the skies the entire time. She watched the leaves of the trees fall as her dainty feet strolled quietly around the garden. She kept whispering to herself, "Wow, this is too pretty," and gently touched every blooming flower she laid her eyes on.

"You don't get out much, do you?" a low voice asked.

Rivera quickly snapped back to her senses and turned around. She blushed when she saw Liam, her school mate, who was standing under a tree and smiling at her response. Rivera shut her eyes and couldn't believe how lost she was in the beauty that she didn't notice Liam's presence.

"What's wrong, Rivera?" Liam approached her.

"Nothing's wrong. It's this place. I've never seen anything like it. It's so beautiful. I never thought nature was so beautiful."

Liam chuckled at her answer. "Rivera, you spend your daylight with books and I'm pretty sure you spend your nighttime the same way, too. It's no wonder you never notice these things," Liam told her.

Rivera opened her mouth. She wanted to argue with him but realised that she was better off. He was right, after all. She cringed and thought of better things to say. Liam smiled and walked towards the white wooden bench placed in the middle of the garden. He sat on it and Rivera followed him.

"Well, Liam. Haven't you heard? One must read to gain knowledge," Rivera tried her best to defend her ways.

"Reading isn't the only way to gain knowledge. One must also explore. And please explain to me one thing. How did we end up speaking like poets?" Liam jokingly asked.

They both laughed at the thought of the sentences they had formed in their little argument. Rivera had to admit the truth in Liam's words. One really must explore to gain knowledge and to widen it, too. She was eager to do that; to explore. The only thing that was in her way was her fear. She was afraid of trying new things, afraid of being out of her comfort zone, which was being among books. Liam, then, took her hand and helped her get rid of the fear. Little did she know, this was the day that changed her life forever.

All glory to God.
I was inspired to write after reading The Bible.
Must I really begin to tell you how hard it is for me to find inspiration? :)
This is very short, compared to my usual writings.
I was warned not to write too long.
The disappointment. Ah, but then again, this means a lot to me.

This week has been a really good one. Why?

1. We didnt study much in school. Okay, that sounded like a good thing in my head but now that I typed it out, it doesnt anymore. In some ways it is, but I'd rather get an overdose of education. Yes, that's the nerd talking. I should stop typing about this now. Moving on...

2. Spain won! (Germany match) Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! I'm sorry, I just have to laugh about this. I only slept for three hours, went to school laughing about the match and then fell asleep after break time. I dont like the fact that my classmates dont talk football. Or at least, talk Spain-won-and-the-match-was-so-solid. But thank God for Mel and Jeff, though!

3. I finally got things right :) Well, only a few people know what this means. It's a little personal. Lets just say I used to bababa and get mad but now I bababa the right way and feel peace :D Right. I think I just confused some people. Hmm...

4. I drove for the first time this afternoon! Mum was so scared earlier. I was in school in the morning, she picked me up and brought me to the "new mall". (I dont know why she brought me there, I dont even like shopping but oh well!) When it had passed 1pm, she still wanted to stay around and asked if I wanted to go to the toy store but when I reminded her I should be driving at 2pm, we quickly got home. On the way, she told me so many things like "dont get distracted, listen to uncle, when you wanna change the gear make sure you press the clutch, dont blur blur. I'm so scared just imagining you drive!" Wow, the trust. Hahah! Well, the first time was fun! I wanted to drive more and I kept shouting in my head, "Let's drive some more some more!" and it's funny how my prayers are answered right away. Uncle let me drive on the main road although I wasnt supposed to because I dont even have my L-license yet. I drove myself home xD According to mummy, the distance I drove was far but it didnt feel like far to me. She said, "That's because you terbang!" Hahahahaha! My instructor kept telling me to slow down or else I would "terbang". Haha! Funny old man...

5. My mum is trying to talk football! I got back from youth gathering and mummy went out. A few minutes ago she texted me...

Mummy: Us spain won.
Me: Mummy, this is very funny because the final is tomorrow night but thank you for building the confidence of talking football. Really appreciate it. Hahahahaha!

...and exactly 13 minutes after that she replied, "Hahahaha, it must be the repeat then".

Haha! That just made my night! My mummy trying to talk football xD

Dear God, you are funny. I love you :D

"even prayers can save a person..."

smelly melly has jelly in her belly

I randomly posted this poem on Melinda's Facebook wall. Right after posting a poem on 3sa's. Yeah, I've been talking through poems. Sue me.

I've got nothing better to do
So, I've decided to spam your wall
Random poems I'll send you
Now get on your knees and crawl

Your best trait is your ability to obsess
You're so cheeky and clingy
How do I get out of this beautiful mess?

Maybe I should just stick around
Make you laugh until your eyeballs jump
But you're out of reach
so I slept as the teachers preach

Melinda Fiona, do come back, quick!

She is currently in Barrio. She left yesterday, I've been alone ever since.

Lifeless lips

Planets are all aligned
above us, we cant see
so far away, stars in the sky
oh, we are outnumbered

we take everything for granted
and our wishes are not fulfilled
we worry our lives away
and we get what we deserve

we ignore, we lie, we pretend

we are all innocent

up until the time we see
our regrets staring at us
guilt run through our veins

we cant stop this
for our lips have told too many lies
they cant be saved
they are dead

no more confessions to tell
and so our fate will be
just like that
of our lifeless lips

Glad you decided to act like a total stranger

remember how you used to make me feel invisible?
have a little taste of your own poison now
You're in the same room
You're next to me
But I stopped noticing
I dont see you anymore
Your ignorance doesnt get me mad
like I used to be
I feel nothing now
not the slightest bit of regret either

still standing here

My grandfather passed away on Sunday morning. The funeral was earlier today, in the afternoon. It was hard but we all said our goodbyes. I spent the entire day serving people yesterday and not looking into the coffin where my grandfather laid. I wasnt ready. I didnt wanna break down like I did before. Trust me, you dont want that happening. It will give you the shock of your life.

I went and looked at him right before we went home lastnight and also today to say goodbye, right before they closed the coffin. No emotional breakdown.

As said, I'll cry everything off and move on. The bad things that have happened or are happening or will happen, cannot force my hand to raise a white flag. God has my back.

I missed the bus ride to Batang Ai, which was this morning. Mum already informed Sarah (our youth leader). Mum said that dad would send us there tomorrow morning. It takes three hours, so I guess I'll meet all of you (who are probably wrapped up in your sleeping bags by now) at lunch time. Cant wait!

I shall go and pack now. As for you stalkers who come by to read this blog of mine, I'll smell you later. By later, I mean Friday ;)

"I figure, if you're extremely passionate about making music (or painting, or surfing, or acting..) then it's because you should be. There is so much real and lasting happiness locked up inside the passion for doing what you love, and even though we live in a society that cares more for the effectiveness of an individual than his/her happiness, I still hope and pray that I stay passionate enough to keep pursuing something worth more than just being "effective". This answer has already become way too deep and hippie, but the truth is that my "musical talent" wouldn't make any sense to me if it didn't result in creative expression that is liberating, and something that is worth more than financial profit; any passionate musician knows this."

Do you believe in hard work or pure talent? Both! I believe that talent is a great way to start the journey, but that hard work is the only way to finish it.

- Cobus Potgieter

they just keep on coming

My grandfather on my dad's side was in a coma last Saturday. Mum and I rushed to the hospital. Thankfully, he was awake when we arrived. I sat next to his hospital bed, shut my eyes and whispered prayers. The same prayers I whispered when I was admitted in the hospital two years ago. They got me out of the hard times. I was hoping they would work the same way on him.

He was fine for a moment, but got back into being really ill. He's still in the hospital right now. Mum and dad went there again earlier today. A few days ago mum told me that he might not be around for long. I've accepted that.

Well, it has been really tough, everything that has happened lately but I'm not going to let anything bring me down. I cried them off. There's no need for depression or sad faces. Just prayers.

I really can't wait for the next youth gathering. I cant wait to hug Theresa. Burst of love, 3sa! And I cant wait to be surrounded by a hall full of people with so much love and faith in them. So much shouting, too :) I'm really happy there.

And I want to stay happy.

Goodbye, Sammy

Sammy passed away today.

He was really weak lastnight. He didnt want to eat. He just laid there. When I held him, he would wag his tail but you would know something was wrong because his tail was down. Vodka was fine, she still had the energy to run around but didn't want to eat either. We thought she must be like that because Sam wasn't well.

Before we left home this afternoon, I went to their cage and checked on Sam. He looked up at me and wagged his tail. He looked better than he did lastnight. I was gaining hope.

It's really funny how good times always end with a bad one. I thought that was over for me. Lately, whenever I have a good day, I'd always end up sleeping with a smile on my face, and thanking God repeatedly before I fall asleep. But things went back to the way it used to today. I had a really good time hanging out with Kenaidy earlier, (though Nelson left and Gurjit never showed up). But when I got home, mom told me Sammy died.

I couldn't believe my ears. I thought she was joking. Then I realized she would never joke about anything like this. It would just be so cruel. I ran to where Sammy's body laid. I touched him and it was as if he was still there. He wasn't cold at all. He just wasnt moving, wasnt breathing, wasnt wagging his tail. I held him for quite a while, still couldnt believe he was gone.

Mom said he could've been poisoned. Before he passed, there was blood coming out of his anus. Mom saw him die just a few seconds before we arrived. She said he was wailing and when his wailing stopped, he was gone. It must be a really painful sight. We buried Sam soon after.

We're really worried about Vodka now. She might have been poisoned too. She goes wherever Sammy goes. Eats whatever Sammy eats. And she's getting weaker and weaker. She laid in the front porch and her breathing grew heavy. Just as Sammy did.

I'm not mad at God. I'm just mad at the heartless person who poisoned them. I cant forgive you. I know I should, but I cant bring myself to do so. This is too painful.

Sometimes God takes away the things we love so our hands would be free to receive something better. I dont know what could be better than Sammy or what could replace him. But I'm keeping my trust in God. He would heal Vodka if that is His will. And if it isn't, I'll understand.

But it doesn't mean I've given up.

confessions of a dreamer

They say dreams are only for those who are asleep
I must ask;
What about those who are awake?
What do they do?
They regret, don't they?

I don't want to live in hypocrisy
like the rest of the world
who grow up to hate their lives,
who walk around complaining about their pathetic jobs,
who regret the things they have and have not done
When they were younger,
when they still had time and hope;
slowly slipping and losing grip
But are now too late to gain

I believe life is only as hard as you let it be.
Fight and you will fly,
surrender and you are damned

I wanna save the sick and the homeless,
The weak and the hopeless

I wanna save the animals and trees,
The generation,
The future.

Let the world face no evolution
Let the world face no disaster
I wanna save everyone and everything,
everywhere.

I am too strong of a fighter,
Too big of a dreamer
I have too much to offer
and I will never take no for an answer

Mock me if you must,
But when all hell breaks loose,
I know what I wouldn't be.
I won't be the one crying and falling.
I won't be the one who brought misery to herself.

My battle scars may never fade,
But at least I can live and die
with no regrets.


I actually wrote this last year for a poem writing competition in school. Honestly, I never planned to post it online because it was written in such an angry state (personal issues). But since I decided to have it submitted to the school's magazine this year, I thought "Oh well, there's no harm in posting it on my blog since everyone's gonna read it one way or the other". Besides, my Miri bestfriend have not read it yet ;D

His footprints

I get distracted by you
not to the point that I lose all my senses
I wouldn't even call it a distraction,
really
because you're nothing
of that sort

You're nothing
mean or selfish or arrogant
greed doesn't stir in you
neither does all things sinful

I love how you love me
how you love everyone
and everything
How you would do anything
to save

You bring the word Sacrifice
a whole new meaning
One no one can top

When you say
In every love song, there's a lover
And how you hoped you would be
just that
in my heart

It puts a smile on my face
you can never erase this, Lord

When I look up at the skies
I wonder how you made them blue
I gave up sleep
just to be amazed by you
and you never fail me

You have
what no other boy can take
or steal from me
It is rightfully yours

This love
This faith
This strength
These hands and feet
This heart

You have all of me
and I love you more for that

Gravity

I'm not proud of this
I hope you are
of yourself
You've got me coming back
got me caught in the middle

Funny,
I was always so sure of
everything
Doubts rain over me now
And I don't like this

You're like gravity
I don't like that either

As I led myself away
You tend to grab my hand
stand in the way
look me in the eye
but all I see is false hope
what are you doing?

You lost yourself
in all that pretense
Who are you fooling?
You're taking too long
And I'm tired

Your shoulders aren't
the best pillows
I've seen
Your voice isn't
the best lullaby

It's Thursday
but I'm out of your sight
I'm missing
Get used to it
because I'm done trying
You can never make up your mind

she who screams

my ears are beginning to bleed
what with all of your childish acts
you whine and stomp your feet
as things don't go your way

why would it?
for a person as such
you just wouldn't keep it in
leave that patience running thin
oh, how quick you let things go

and all for what cause?
what do you expect?

attention
you've got it
they all hate to look at you
they curse you under their breaths
their bad intentions
you have them all

satisfaction
you just can't enjoy
that anger leaves you
with an ugly face
were you ever satisfied?

are you happy now?

Update

Hello, people :)
As you can see, I'm back to being poetically possessed.
I'll be writing more poems now. Not all the time, though. And I might not post all of them. I'll try to post some every week, that is if there are any written or worth posted.
Exams are starting soon and by soon, I mean on the 29th!
I'm super busy. It's the year 2010, what do you expect, right?
I'll have about 2 weeks of exams and there's a huge chance I might not be blogging in all that stress. Exam ends on the 14th, I guess, I dont know, gotta check the timetable. Haha!
I'll keep you posted.
In the mean time...

spread love like fire!

if you only knew what your little girl feels

Why is it so hard to swallow?
I was made for chasing dreams
and I'll do just that
your only one
who created her own road
to walk on
Still you hold her back

I kicked and
I pushed my way
through
I see how you go easy on them
I long for that
Acceptance, too

Independent, yes
but I still need you
I cant do everything
all on my own
I'm just a child
I'm your child

Why won't you help me?

you can go now

Soon will it be
a month now
How fine I was
until I started thinking
did I not know?
I miss the person I thought
you were
you could have been
the person you are not


An illusion to believe,
I did
just a speck of dust
formed into perfection
You are
At least that's what I thought


All in darkness
the little girl whispers alone
I miss my old friend
here he is
he stands right next to me
I cant feel him
he's gone

it's amazing how you can give me a heart attack
and heal it in a second with your smile



I wouldn't mind having millions of that...

golden socks

We all (my sis, bro and I) decided to name her Vodka instead.
Dont worry, though. She's not confused.
We never called her by any name before until we were sure of what to name her.
So, Dean is now Vodka!

brand new bears

We got two more puppies! Dad said they were both male, so Kavan and I decided to name them Sam and Dean. Yes, we love Supernatural that much!

It's been almost a week now and dad recently told us that Dean is a girl. Wow, what a surprise. But the name is still sticking!

From left: Dean and Sam

Sam, the all black puppy

Dean, the one with golden socks

After bathing them

....

I do...

This reminds me of Karissa Kara Simon!
Except... She hides them under her bed -.-"

A shock, I deserved

did you feel it coming?
I was slowly getting rid of you
bit by bit
A two-day survival
yesterday could have made it a three
but there you go again

Just one smile
and you're off the hook

You gave me a shock
I deserved

Forgive me
for letting my stupidity take over
giving you what looks like a smug
You caught me by surprise

Do it more often
I'll get the hang of it
I know it for a fact
I will :)

He one spinal cracker

Jonathan "Legacy" Perez

First time I saw this guy auditioned on So You Think You Can Dance, I thought, "Holy kabooki, the dude has gotta be the best B-boy ever"



Like everyone else did, I expected him not to be able to dance other styles. But when I turned on the TV today, this is what I saw!




Amazingly talented, this guy!

In every forest there are trees

Hello, fellow earthlings.

Haha! I've got exams this week. Have been a total geek since Friday. Yes, I practice procrastination. Sue me.

I'm not the study-during-holiday kind of person. Trust me, I've tried. It's just so hard to wake up during the holidays when your room is dark and your bed is so comfy and the weather is cold.

My alarm would scream,

"DONT PATRONIZE! I realize, this is my real life.
I'm half asleep and I'm wide awake..."

Marianas Trench usually wakes me up every morning. It makes me jump whenever Josh Ramsay scream that first verse all of a sudden. But I have become immune to it. So I switched to Skillet. And that was how I woke up at 8.30a.m. this morning. Best record!

I'm not gonna convince myself that I will screw any paper. Thanks to 3sa and her brother's smart choice of book, I've learned that you will become what you believe.

Remember the story of the three blind men in the Bible? They believed that Jesus could heal them and so Jesus said, "According to your faith be it done unto you". They immediately received their sight. Notice that it was their faith that turned the situation around? So, yes, I'm taking that note in and leave the rest to God :)

I shall come back next weekend when the exam is about over (still gotta sit for the Moral paper on the coming Monday). Or maybe I wont come back and update. Who knows... ;) I might just talk to my bed and fall asleep. Hmm... what shall I choose to do?

I personally love this

This secret

Rules are meant to be broken, right?

I seem to break at least one rule every time I step in to Padini.

One time, I walked in with my awesome strawberry yogurt shake and the guy told me, "I'm sorry but you cant bring drinks in here". I skipped my way out.

Yesterday, 3sa and Ray were trying on sunnys. 3sa told me to take pictures. So I took my phone and shot her. Tried to shoot Ray when a guy came up to me and said "I'm sorry, miss, no pictures". I laughed and nodded my head repeatedly, though I did not know that rule exists either.

Checked the rules. There were only three; No food or drinks. No picture-taking. No pets.

Well, well...

This means only one thing...

"Lemon! Castro! Get ready, we're going to Padini !"

My doggies are amazing :)

Updates!

rocked the city

Went for the Change Your World concert last Saturday night with 3sa. Relent rocked the house. The ground was literally shaking. It was beyond awesome and it is beyond my vocabulary of words to describe. So, I wont be saying much now. Still am speechless.

I went through a lot trying to convert these video files just to make it big enough for you to see. I doubt you'd be able to hear clearly, though. I used to my phone, no camcorder =/ Haha!

..........................................................................


Okay! Scratch that. You cant hear anything at all in the videos I've converted, but oh well! I'm just gonna go and edit them into one video. You gotta wait though. Bahahahaha!

sleep deprivation

I slept for eleven hours straight. From 5.30 pm yesterday until 4.30am. I feel so cool! Yes, I know it's nothing special, but dear, havent you noticed? I have no life. This nerd has been real busy since the day school started. Dean, I am so not gonna miss high school. Trust ME.

While I was half asleep, mom called. I had no idea what time it was. Probably 7pm or so. She said, "Pip, I'm at Hui Sing. Do you want char kueh?".
In my head, I thought of the sweet noodle. So I went, "Huuuuuh? What?" and she repeated, "I'm at Hui Sing, do you want char kueh again?".
I was still thinking about the sweet noodle but I said, "Yes, of course" anyway. Went back to sleep.

I woke up after dreaming of 3sa squeezing the life out of me. That was 4.30am. Nice, 3sa. See what you did. Make me hug you so many times until I actually dreamed of it!

Brushed my teeth and I think I woke dad up in the process cos while I was heating the char kueh in the microwave, dad walked downstairs all dressed up like an athlete. He went jogging. I'm gonna have softball later at 8am.

Got sta get ready !

Softball Madness

Yet another rant.

The after effects of sleep-deprivation. I cant stop talking nonsense, I might as well type another post before I crash, right?

So, second practice was on Wednesday afternoon. Now that was something! We ran 3 rounds around the school, ran back to the field and did some jumping and push-ups, before we started throwing balls at each other.

Dear God, you have no idea how much I miss running and sweating. Ok, maybe you do know, since you created me and all. That was just a figure of speech. But point is, thank you so much and I love you, Father, you are amazingly awesome! Amen.

Forgive me, Ray, for hitting your shoulder. And 3sa, those seven hits are my seven blessings for the near future if anything were to happen to your bra and panties. Yes, that's the brain telling me I need to sleep. Jay, you should've let me try to kill you instead. Mel, you're so right, that sunblock sure is strong!

Haha! I felt like I was walking with barbecued chicken legs. The sun was scorching hot. Everyone thought I got a sunburn but HAHA! I did not ;P

Everything hurts after that though. My arms, my shoulders, my thighs and even my butt cheeks! I have no idea how that even makes sense. Everything still hurts now. Especially my right arm and butt cheek. But dont worry, I can totally handle playing drums tomorrow. Ahh so excited! Cant wait!

Here are pictures from Wednesday!

Getting ready for my ball, aye?

Aiming at 3sa ! Got my game face on, yo.

Jay, the president !
(I like the sound of that, Jay)

Ray and her bottles.

One pretty awesome Saturday

Did new things! Awesome new things. It was pretty hectic, how full the day was. Went to school in the morning for our very first softball practice. It wasnt much since there were so many juniors and so little time. (I am one of the juniors too haha)

Went to church in the afternoon for the one thing I've been longing for; DRUM LESSON ! Whoot! Finally, I get to hit things. Release stress in the form of drum beats. Uncle Louie, Dan's dad, was the one giving the lessons. He is super cool. He hits with the enthusiasm of a teenager, which made everything a lot more exciting! :D

After the lesson, I went upstairs to join 3sa, Ash, Alicia and Dan. All four were playing base... I guess. I dont know, I'm not a plucking-strings kind of person. Haha! Not that I have anything against that ;)

Snapped some pictures using 3sa's camera, hit the table with the drumsticks, watched 3sa try to play something on the piano, I tried to play the Mr. Bean theme song on the piano. Dan played Muse's Supermassive Black Hole on base and Ash sang to it, she sounded exactly like Matthew Bellamy. Epic! After a while, I got tired and slept in the corner of the room... And the sounds these guys made were pretty soothing in a way.

Anyhoo, pictures! (stolen from 3sa's facebook)

Missed a beat !

Doing their own thing...

3sa danced.
Dan watched.
Ash took over the drumsticks and switched to rockstar mode!

Goodbye, love.

The saddest stage of being a skater, is when you seriously have to stop. I have reached there. It's time to face it. I cant skate anymore.

No more adrenaline rush.
No more tricks. (not that I have landed much)
No more falling on my ass.
No more threatening the dogs with my board.

Because if I do fall, the titanium in my spine might just break or whatever it does when you fall. Doctor never explained it. I just cant fall. I'm not allowed to. Whack, isnt it?

So I guess I'm just gonna hang my deck on the wall and reminisce.

I'd probably collect decks now. Hehe! That will be almost as awesome as skating.

But I still want a set of trucks though. Just in case I cant handle myself, I'd just kick push my way through.

First rest I had all week

It's Saturday.

Just when I thought I was finally gonna get more than nine hours of sleep, school had to have KK registrations. Had to come before eight just to wait around for two hours until everything started. So we (3sa, Ray and I) went on and on about the whole racism issue and then it turned to Marianas Trench and Disco Curtis, or more like "Tanner, baby! We're going down slowly, take me!..." Ray came up with that. She didnt wanna sing "Ashley, baby..." cos she was mad at the video where Ashley had stolen her Tanner baby. Ok, that is too much "baby" in one topic. Moving on...

The only reason I was eager to get up this morning was because 3sa had told me yesterday that there are drum lessons today at 10.30am and 2pm. Obviously, I wasnt gonna make it to the 10.30am lesson, I had to go for the Joyful Vanguard meeting. When we were just about done, 3sa texted me and said that the 2pm lesson got canceled. Excitement went boom and I didnt have time to escape the blow. Wow, there's an over-dramatic ending right there. Haha! I was just kidding.

So, I went home and took a nap. A 5 hour nap. Oh that felt so good!

And now I have to go back to being a nerd. Heh.

Arkk I have so much to say!

Went to the hospital today. As expected. Doc tells me that I look good but the X-Ray doesnt but that's okay! What's new? Young doctors who say, "Hang on, let me get my boss and ask him what to do about you". And I had to fill in forms about how I've changed since the operation and how it is affecting my personal life and personal relationships. Dude, I dont have a boyfriend, never had one and dont want one. So, how it's affecting my personal relationship? None (check box?) Check!

There were a lot of 'funny' questions and some very irritating. I fkin hate it when they ask you to rate the amount of pain you're feeling. Give it from a scale of 1 to 10 or is it "mild" or "moderate" or "moderate to severe" or "severe" ? Oh come on. It's painful, get rid of it! Or when people ask you, "What is it like? Is it like a cramp or is it like ants biting you or pinching pain or sharp pain?" Screw you. There are no ants around, even if there were, I would know how it feels like to get bitten by ants and this is not it. This is just ridiculous. It seriously gets me mad whenever somebody asks me these.

Mom was acting weird too. She was saying things that dont even make sense. She was making things up. Like when she told the doctor that I complained so much about the pain until I wished I never had the operation. Wtf? I never said that. As a matter of fact, I am glad I had the operation. I just dont wanna have to go through it for a second time cos I might just give up the next time I cant breathe without feeling like my lungs were being crushed by rocks. (Just so you know, I nearly did give up the last time. I wanted to hold my breath until I fade. I did hold my breath more than three times. So please be grateful for my presence) And she kept bugging me when I was filling up the forms and answering the questions. She was the one who answered most of them. Yeah, that's the Scoliosis patient right there. Hey, I'm just here to sit and goyang kaki. Should have given them her cell number instead of my own.

I asked Dr. Zaki (the boss) if I can play sports now. And he said yes! HAHAHAHAHA! You have no idea how happy I was to hear that. I so wanna play squash and run and sweat like crazy again. I miss it so much. But of course, I cant join competitions though. That would stress my spine. I can only play for leisure. But hey, competition or no competition, main thing is, I get to play sports again! :D

So, Teng, Jay, Ray, I dont have to be a bench-warmer in the softball team after all !

But I still cant run 5 laps, though... (hehe)

senior year

Wow, that makes me sound old. Note to self: Change that title.

Hello, Mr. PC, havent seen you all week, nice to see you up and working. Probably cos DAD has been using you. Damn I miss playing The Sims 3. My sister called me up lastnight just to ask me where to buy balloons and a birthday cake in the game cos her sims' baby is growing up into a toddler and wants a birthday party. Great. Throw a party without me. How very thoughtful of you.

Anyhoots, enough on that sims rant. I'm in Form 5 this year. After SPM I'll be saying "So long suckah!" to high school.

I'm in a separate class from my Apek Clan. 5Science2. I know it's kind of a bad idea to leave Theresa and Ray together, since Theresa is most likely to consume Ray for breakfast every morning. But hey, they survived! Sure, they did ask me to come back to the third class cos they dont wana see anyone else get the top position, but after knowing Madam Screamo is still their class teacher? No way, dude! My ears are screamo-phobic. And I love my class. Miss Chung is cool. Firm, but cool. She teaches us Addmath and Physics. Which is good, cos I dont think anyone can actually scream formulas and equations in my ears to force them up my brain and expect me to get an A. Screamo does teach us Math, but she doesnt look like she has the guts to bully students in my class. Take that, baldy!

I'm starting tuitions. Addmath, Biology, Physics. Was supposed to go for Chemistry today, but I had to go to the hospital. There are pros in being physically challenged ;) Haha! I had to go for Bio and Phy without Theresa and Mel. I didnt mind the Bio class. But Physics? People were staring at me like I was an alien with a purple tail or something. Geez.

Ok wow, I sure talk too much. I've been super hyper this week. Cant sleep at night cos I couldnt stop talking to myself in the dark. I think I should stop here. Ok bye now